… you’re bound to get burned. That’s what happened this weekend. I’m glad I was just a somewhat innocent bystander, or would that be an innocent somewhat bystander… I don’t know, but it was so fun to watch (and help, a little) this all unfold. Chris has been in Czech this week (so sad that he missed it all) so Ieva has been living with me.
It all started because of Andis. Andis is a pretty fun guy. He likes to laugh and when he does stuff, he does it big. Andis decided that Ieva needed a boyfriend. Ieva is the sweetest thing you can imagine, though I’ve found this weekend that she is tough and can be pretty devious as well. These two are together a lot. In fact, if you read this blog at all, you’re heard about them. They’re my 2 closest friends here in Latvia and they’re good friends, too. In addition to often being at our house together, they’re in the same class, go to the same church, are in a band together, and are like brother & sister, which was the premise for this article.

Yes, article. When Andis told me he was putting something in the paper about getting Ieva a boyfriend (all as a joke), I pictured the American, 3-line “SWF looking for SWM…” type thing. Oh no. Remember, I said Andis does stuff big. Well, he told Ieva about it earlier this week, just to warn her, and make sure she would read the paper on Saturday. She freaked out in anticipation… and that’s an understatement. She also, immediately, began to exact her revenge.

It all began on Friday. For different reasons, the 4 of us (Me, Ieva, Andis & Peteris) decided it would be fun to get dressed up and go out to dinner/dessert in town, then come back to my place for a movie night and hang out. (Always fun to be the “responsible adult”.) It was all nice and calm until about 3am. By then we had finished the movie, Andis and Peteris had been very much like little boys, wrestling & then went in another room for a while. And Ieva began. First, she found Andis’ glasses and proceeded to oil them up, lenses and all, which he didn’t find until hours later. Then came the kicker. Andis and Peteris had fallen asleep talking while Ieva and I were watching a movie in another room. At 7am Ieva proceeded to shave a big strip of hair off Andis’ leg. (Told you she was devious!) When he realized it a couple hours later, he freaked. It was hilarious to watch. Little did he know it was just the beginning. When I saw it I just laughed and laughed, mostly because of his reaction.

Peteris and Andis went home. Later in the afternoon Ieva & I met Andis and the 3 of us went to the store to get the paper and actually see this article in print. We were on our way to the beach, but before that, Ieva had to see it. A rough translation of the article says:

Suitor needed, express

Big Brother is looking for a suitable guy for his sister. Must be handsome, wealthy (with a 5cm thick wallet, minimum) with an excellent sense of humor and good manners. Preferential treatment will be given to candidates who have a laptop and relatives abroad. Before meeting Ieva, all applicants will need to show references and proof of a recent flea bath. They must also be interviewed by Big Brother. Age - unlimited, but actually the younger, the better (makes it easier to re-educate), therefore applicants from pregnant mothers will also be accepted.

A little bit about Ieva: In her 18 years she is unique and special. She hears voices talking to her non-stop and sometimes she might answer or write a message to them. She’s also very smart and thrifty. For example, when she receives her cell phone bill, she refuses to pay the tax on it because she hasn’t called “taxes”. Friday evenings she usually attends the countryside elementary school class parties and eats all of their cookies. She is really into computer game, especially Lingo & Tetris. She gambles regularly, but usually looses. She’s hoping that if her groom shows up, she will have more luck in these games as well.

Warning!! Ieva’s big brother is, for Latvians, unusually tall, and if a hair on her head is pulled out, he won’t even have to stand on his tip-toes to see you or smell you within a 1Km radius. Besides that, he refuses to admit to anything in his medical history. But if you don’t risk, you won’t win Ieva. Your dimensions and letter of application can be sent electronically to “bralis_andis@inbox.lv”. [bother_andis]

I made sure to grab Andis’ camera and film Ieva’s reaction as they sat in the back of my car. I think he was scared, and he should have been. (Check out the video here!) We did finally make to the beach which was beautiful.

Ieva’s dad has also been gone this week, so Andis has been staying at Ieva’s apartment while she’s been at mine. She decided that a half shaved leg just wasn’t enough after seeing this article, so after we dropped him off at his house to get some things, we went to her apartment and prepared some things for him. After dinner at my place, we took Andis to Ieva’s apartment, and we followed him under the guise that Ieva need to get some things. Thankfully he was in a good mood and went through the front door first because when he opened the door, a small box of nuts and flour fell on him. We laughed until we almost wet our pants, mostly because it surprised him so badly. We got Ieva’s stuff together and left telling Andis that after tonight, everything was even. He understood that to mean that was all. We meant it as “after everything else tonight, because there’s more”. I live about 3 km form Ieva’s apartment. We hadn’t even gotten back to my apartment when he called her. I heard him freaking out from 4 feet away, through her phone. She fell on the steps laughing and since it was midnight, it made it worse since she couldn’t laugh loudly. He had found the other big surprise. We had put tape over the hand-held shower head and sink spigot, so when he turned on the water to run a bath, he actually got a shower from the water spraying everywhere. He was soaked. It was great. There was more, but I’m not sure he found them all. I’ll have to ask later.

All in all, it was great fun. Andis and Ieva have both heard a lot of comments on the article, though I don’t think any were applying for the position. Andis has learned that Ieva is not such a sweet innocent little girl. Ieva feels justified and my stomach muscles hurt from all the laughter in the last two days. It brought back a lot of memories for me, especially when a whipped cream fight broke out in my apartment… reminded me of some shaving cream fights my youth pastor started when I was in high school. Good clean fun. But man, I’m tired after this weekend… and tomorrow we go to back to school… nope, not gonna think about that just yet. Need to get some sleep first.