Chris and I write a newsletter most every month. (Ok, I admit it, I actually do most of the writing, but it’s about both of us.) We started writing newsletters about 10 years ago (maybe more) and have written them monthly for all but about 2-3 years of that time. In all that time, I have never received as much feedback on our newsletter as I did this one. Here’s the excerpt most people commented on:

About a week after that, life felt like it was starting to fall apart, piece by piece. On top of Chris and I fighting (yes, even missionary couples fight) and going through some other struggles, various members of the band (who are also our friends, my students and our mentorship-group) started going through all kinds of stuff. One was questioning their calling and talent as a musician; another was frustrated with God because he wasn’t getting answers to his prayers about anything and was starting to doubt God’s existence; another stormed out of a band prayer meeting and in the subsequent week or two made some pretty bad choices and decisions, making his road to come back to God a very long and hard one. We were all being attacked in a major way, and we knew it. If there is one thing we’ve all learned during this time it would be the faithfulness of God and the value of solid friendship. I can’t tell you the hours Chris and I have spent online chatting with some of these, encouraging them, praying with them. When one of them was at the lowest point and didn’t show up for school, I searched them out, looking at all their favorite hiding places, and finally found them. After a long walk and even longer talk, things started to look a little brighter. But we all knew it was still a long road ahead for some of these situations. So much time, encouraging and praying… yes, it really gets hard sometimes and during this past month we have both asked ourselves, more than once, if it was worth it. I mean, often the things we do, our ministry here, is not a 9-5, 40 hour a week job (don’t we wish…). It’s not the kind of thing you can put in a schedule or even describe very easily. Some don’t even see it as ministry, but more like we’re just hanging out with some friends. When we asked ourselves if it was worth it, we knew the answer was yes. Not an easy, smiling, resounding “yes”. It was more of a yes filled with pain, yet mixed with hope, with tears running down our faces mixed with this mad desire to be able to quit and yet knowing there was no way we could. Yes, these teens, and so many more, are worth it. They’re worth our evenings, our weekends, the late nights, the long walks, the money, our love. They’re worth it to Jesus, so they are worth it to us. Someone commented to me that it must be nice to have a week off of school for Fall Break and not have kids to deal with at home. I replied, well, you’re right, we don’t have biological kids at home, but sometimes it feels like we have 4-6 17-18 year-olds. *smile* So it’s been a tough month, and we’re still dealing with some of these questions, walking through these issues with some of them, but I believe that as long as they want to find God, they will.

I admit it, this is one of the most honest and vulnerable newsletters I’ve ever written, and that’s what most people said:

Thanks so much for that newsletter. I think it’s great that you are transparent about you & your hubby’s struggles and even how you feel about ministry (staying there). Wonderful. We need more missionaries who would feel secure enough to communicate that.

Your honesty in the doubts that the enemy tends to throw at you and the frustration you deal with and the fact that weather it is worth it is very courageous of you and it speaks well. People need to hear that, to know how to effectively pray on your behalf.

Good to hear from you guys. I appreciate the honesty you present in your letters Lydia. I also am encouraged by your commitment to your purpose in the midst of its judgment as unorthodox. The Kingdom is built on relationships, and it requires Believers to be there. I support you and Chris, and I’m thankful for your service. I pray for you guys.

What an amazing update. I hope and pray that people would catch the vision that God has given you and how vital it is to simply (but not so simply) live alongside these people. It was so encouraging to read your update, not that it was exactly an uplifting email, but your honesty and seeing God in that honesty was the encouraging part.

It has been rough, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up, really. This week already I’ve gotten news that my grandma (in America) is really not doing well & I’m having some major issues in my English class, among other things. But God is still in control and still faithful. I’m so glad.